The Betwixter

VD: The overly used term at a dinner of 12 single friends for Valentine’s Day as ‘slang’ for the holiday.  Sitting amongst the couple-less on this couple-centric day, naturally the topic of terrible and/or weird dates came up.  It was comforting to hear how many others (male and female) had been on some rough ones as well as just plain strange.  A couple things that stood out to me (which are appropriate to share) include:

-One friend was asked out at a friend’s party by a guy who was earlier hitting on a married friend, and as should have been the result, found no success.  Feeling generous, she accepted his invitation which later turned into a legitimate invite for dinner at Chik-fil-A.  To make matters worse, she later found out that had she accepted the venue (they went somewhere else), he was going to have her pay for her dinner and offer her a coupon, just in case.  This came up in conversation (naturally), because he awkwardly asked her during dinner why she didn’t want to go there for their first date.  Fast-forward to the end of the evening when she was antsy to leave and offered to split the tab (which is generally part of the polite maneuver we make to offer, knowing they won’t accept), but he did accept.  Ready to get out of there, she said ‘goodbye’, followed by, ‘thanks for the half glass of wine’.

Note:  There is nothing wrong with not wanting to spend a lot on a date. BUT, there are plenty of ways to do it in a nicer environment (think trendy pizza place or something similar).

- One story included being duped into a Valentine’s date which included a driver, roses, ‘love mix’ CD, and all you can eat dinner.  I can’t say more in order to protect the identity of the participants

-Scene: dinner and drinks on date one.  Your date orders several drinks over the course of the evening, so you do as well.  Check arrives, he takes a look….and eyes bug out of his head as he exclaims, ‘What were you drinking?!’ He subsequently continues to overreact and make his date uncomfortable about the cost of her house wine.  End scene.

-Another included a 40 year-old man who recently was baptised.  Each time he goes out with the girl, he invites himself over, and then as things progress, he tells her to stop and that he can’t let things go any further due to ‘his recent (3 years ago) baptism’.  This was all good and well, according to the girl, but she couldn’t understand why he continued to invite her over and continue down this path, always leaving her feeling confused and some times rejected.

Note: We all know the definition of insanity, right? Doing the same thing the same way and expecting different results…

-Last story involved a suitor who couldn’t seem to get it through his head that wooing a girl doesn’t include texting her ‘hey girl’ several times a week with no follow up, call, or date suggestion.  The closest thing to it was a follow up text saying, ‘how about I come over later?’.  Sounds precisely like the recipient’s intentions when she doesn’t even answer to ‘hey girl’.

Time to go back out and do some informal research on great first dates, if only for the sake of balance.

I get pumped when I come across other youngsters (ie Betwixters), who are making moves.  By moves I mean taking action.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when people complain about their circumstances but do nothing to better them.  Therefore, the opposite is also true.  I absolutely love to see when people take what could be a negative scenario, and find ways to improve it.

I was fortunate enough to be introduced a couple years back to a fellow Emory alum who had found some success as an entrepreneur in a few different fields.  Bright-eyed and bushy tailed at the time (still bright and bushy, just with a little more wear these days), I loved hearing about his endeavors.  As often happens, much time passed without any communication.  Until, as the networking world would have it, a contact of his told me he’d recently published a book!  Because a. that’s fantastic, b. it was a complete surprise to me, and c. I’m also publishing a book, I wanted to reach back out to him.

I contacted Dave that night and learned of his book I Can Fix America: 52 Common Sense Ways YOU can make the US Great Again.  In hearing his story of growing up in Flint, Michigan, a once flourishing city, to seeing the ruins it’s in now, sparking his mission to show Americans that we can do very small things to make our country great again (or, if you disagree and think we’re still great: to keep it great).

The book is a quick read, but chock-full of simple, every-day things you can do that don’t require waiting for other people’s actions.  Topics cover everything from housing, money, mindset, education, unemployment, government, and community.  For $17.76 (clever…and marked down about half on Amazon), you should buy this book as a gift or for yourself.

This may sound like a sales pitch, but I have no vested interest in this.  Nothing more than recognizing that I should support someone who is working hard to try to help others, when he could have easily sat on his hands and lived for himself.  I also realize that our Betwixter community is full of young people who have the time and energy to care about our future.  My Magic 8 Ball is telling me that we can’t go on like we are today, assuming that someone will fix the issues we’re facing, as well as those we’re creating. ‘Outlook not so good’.  Get acting.

It wouldn’t feel like the Betwixter if I didn’t shamelessly plug myself now-and-again.  If you’re looking for ways to make the most of your time, check out this post by the International Association of Women Entrepreneur’s Online (female and/or entrepreneurial or not, there are some valuable tid-bits).  I’m number 27.

As I’ve noted before, I guest write for blog who requested I step in as the “young professional” perspective from time-to-time.  In a recent conversation with them, just catching up, I shared an update on a  group to which I’d been admitted.  Not thinking anything of it except to share because the owner of the company would have been interested in the group, she insisted that I share it via the blog, which I did.  Here’s it is for your reading pleasure:

As a young businessperson, it’s encouraging to be reminded that your efforts and your voice matter. As it turns out, over 50% of the world’s population is under age 27, which puts me just barely in the minority at the tender age of 28. Regardless, it’s eye-opening to recognize this statistic and not take for granted being young.

I found out that I’ve been accepted into the inaugural class for Atlanta’s chapter of the Forum of Global Shapers, a local division of many international and domestic chapters of “Young extraordinary individuals with great potential for future leadership roles in society”. Participants are between 20 and 30 years old at the time of nomination. The Atlanta hub is organized by Mayor Kasim Reed, Ambassador Andrew Young, CEO of Operation Hope, John Bryant, President of the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta, Dennis Lockhart, and my friend, Founder of Ascension Aircraft, Jamail Larkins. I go on rattling these names because these influential (and quite busy) individuals see the importance in investing time and energy into myself and my peers, with confidence that our abilities can and will make a meaningful impact on our community. In unison with the dozens of other hubs around the world, change is possible on a larger scale, and this was the hope of the World Economic Forum when setting out to begin this mission.

Having just learned of my acceptance, only time will tell what project our group of 10-12 “shapers” will undertake. It will be an organic process as we meet and pool our resources and interests. And I’ll be talking about it here.

I’m a strong believer that no matter who you are, and no matter at what stage in life you find yourself, it will always behoove you to be surrounded by people who push you to do and be better. That was one of my primary motivators in applying to be a part of this undefined group. I excitedly await getting to know my fellow “shapers” as well as our generous organizers.

For more info check out Global Shapers, or the World Economic Forum.

When I was writing recently about our priorities changing with age, I wasn’t even prepared for the onslaught of domestic goodies I’d amass in 2012.  More so, I had no idea of the utter excitement they would bring me!  For anyone who knew me at any stage of my existence prior to the last couple years, I’d imagine this comes as a complete shock.  After all, I was the girl who was consistently begged to bring cheese and crackers to potlucks because no one wanted to imagine what I’d concoct in the kitchen.

So far this year I’ve accumulated a Dyson vacuum, new knives, a new memory foam mattress with 800 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, a crock pot and slow cooker cook book. Let’s remember it’s only 3 weeks into the year.

Funnier yet is how much I’m loving cooking with the knives, picking recipes to test in the crock pot, vacuuming my home, and can’t wait for the delivery of the bed so I can lounge around in it without guilt for 2 days.  Looks like 2012 is the year of domesticity for me, a sentence I never thought I’d utter a mere few years ago.

I’ve learned that sometimes, when things come naturally to you, it’s not always the same for others.  I learned this most poignantly with networking.  Meeting new people and helping to facilitate connections is a favorite activity of mine.  Because of this skill, I was asked to craft a list of tips for some friends who were looking for pointers, so I thought I’d share, just in case any of it applies to your circumstances:

-Networking starts with your current contacts.  It doesn’t necessarily mean actively pursing making new relationships.

-Even if you ‘don’t need to network’, you do.  You never know when you’ll need someone to help connect you (not always professionally) and it’s improper to ask people for help when you’ve not spoken to someone in ages, and now are doing so simply to ask for something.  Cultivate and maintain your relationships.

-Think of networking as a puzzle you’re piecing together. What’s their need and how can you use your resources to fill that gap?

-Don’t throw your cards around.  Give them after engaging in a conversation.  To ask someone for their card first is more tactful.

-Don’t sell to the room, sell to their rolodexes.

-Ask permission to follow up if there’s a potential for a sale.

-Set expectations by saying how and when you’ll contact them (and then do it).

-Ask questions that are deeper than ‘what do you do?’

-Create a ‘reconnect’ file in your calendar on monthly rotation of a list of people you’ve met and with whom you want to keep in touch.

-For contacts that have more immediate, obvious value (networking partners) create individual monthly reconnect files to spark you to reach out to them in the future.  No need to reach out every month, but seeing their name (relevancy) is half the battle.  Reach out when you have an interesting article to share, want to touch base, etc.

-Let people know you’ll stay in touch every month or so, then do it!

-Remember birthdays!

-If they have an important meeting or proposal, remember and contact them to wish luck and ask how they did.

-Be specific when describing your ideal target. “Anybody” means nobody.

-Ask them what they need, then try to provide it by connecting them with someone you know and trust.

-Give first without expectation of something in return.

-Why are you different/memorable/great? If you don’t know, they won’t either.

-Not all networking events/groups are created equal.  Focus your time and energy when there’s value and it’s a good fit for you.

-Utilize LinkedIn!! Link to new and old contacts, go through their contacts, and ask for introductions.

-Offer to make introductions for people.

-Create a ‘referral introductions’ sheet to help facilitate other connections and referrals.

-Remember that when walking into a networking event, everyone is there to meet new people.  Going alone and walking up to strangers is the point, and everyone has some apprehension.

-Why should they care about you? Do you know how to describe yourself/business in one sentence that demonstrates some value to the listener, not couched in industry speak?  Or, can you explain it so that they might be interested in continuing the conversation? Ex: I help people to ________.

-Listen more than you talk! People love to talk about themselves!

-Have other interests you can talk about besides business and find common ground.

-Connect synergistic people (both targeting the same audience).

-DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU’LL DO!!

-Follow up within 24 hours.

-Send thank you’s!

-Find the fun in it.

When in doubt, revert back to a saying of my father’s:

“There’s not six degrees of separation, there’s two.  You just have to think hard enough.”

Thanks to a Betwixter friend for sharing this post on resolutions for 20-somethings.  Encompasses some good ones that mimic some of my ramblings,  although I may not ascribe to number 6 (full disclosure).

Over Christmas, I flew to tropical Indianapolis (sarcasm) to visit friends, and as luck would have it, my twin brother was also there visiting with his live-in-girlfriend’s family.  They’ve been together for over a year, and I’d never met her.   That’s what happens when you live in different regions and travel home on different schedules.

Since my dad keeps calling her my sister-in-law, and my older brother told me to help her pick out her wedding dress, I figured I should at least meet her.  So, we had the opportunity for our schedules to coordinate and we met.  It’s interesting to meet your sibling’s significant other after they’ve been together for so long, particularly when he’s there and you can’t ask any real questions.  All in all, I took away that she’s a nice girl with a good head on her shoulders: someone who would be an agreeable addition to once-a-year holiday gatherings, and seems to make my brother happy (or some neutral emotion since he doesn’t really have them).  It’s sort of strange to come to terms with the idea that whomever your siblings marry will be in your life, as well.  I learned that when my older brother got married (all positive), but had never really thought about it prior.  #quarterliferealizations

When I graduated from college, I remember a marked difference in some of my priorities with money.  One that I remember clearly was going from wanting to spend all of my discretionary income on clothes, nights out, and the like, to wanting to invest in furniture, bedding, and home decor.  I was reminded of this this Christmas when all I wanted were domestic items.  My older bro can attest that upon opening my Dyson vacuum on Christmas eve (I’m technically a Jew and therefore opted to fly on Christmas day, both because as Jews we like a bargain and that’s the day to get one on airfare, and because my family was spread throughout the country, thus leaving me free to do as I pleased) you would have thought I got a new car.  Then, the next morning, when I opened some packages from my parents, I found I also received some nice kitchen knives, leaving me doubly pleased.  Aside from setting back the women’s movement by asking for household items as gifts, interspersed with my happiness for my domestic items, I laughed to myself about how 6 years ago, if someone gave me these items I would have thought it was a joke.   Oh how things change…

It’s nice to stumble upon a similar, more-cohesive version of your own musings.  Saw this today on the Entrepreneurs’ Organization (EO) website.  Hearkens back to my recent post on balance vs. integration in life.