The Betwixter

I came across this post from this person to whom I have absolutely no connection, but thought it encapsulated a good Betwixter perspective: Open Letters to People who Judge My Single, Post-College Lifestyle.  Enjoy.

There was a time when I loved to work out…that time was high school.  Nothing was more fun than going to the weight room with my girlfriends and showing the boys we could squat, power lift, and bench, too!  As the years passed through college and young adulthood, I continued to seek ways to work out that I enjoyed, but kept falling short.  The gym felt like a strange meat market, where everyone stared at each other but didn’t actually talk to anyone.  Running was the worst.  I’d dart off and quickly say to myself, ‘Why am I doing this? This is terrible.’  And recently, I’ve written about my new found interest in yoga which offers a great combination of physical challenge and mental relaxation (who doesn’t love a two-fer?).  But, fitting a class schedule into my crazy agenda (whilst adding in time to drive cross-town in traffic) also makes that a one-time-a-week max option.

As the fates would have it, I got a call from a college friend and former roommate who recently went from despising running to a marathon runner.  I asked her how she changed her mind and she said, “There’s an app called ‘couch to 5k’ and it completely changed my mind about running.”  She explained that it gives you weekly programs, 30 minutes each, 3 days/week for six weeks to take you literally from the couch to running a 5k (or a marathon in her case).  I started it this week with a close friend who’s in her early 40s, a mom, and not a runner either.  We both did it and felt great.  The first day has a series of walking and running in short intervals to make it feasible to think running isn’t torture.  Then, believe it or not, I tackled day 2 of 3 yesterday and didn’t want to quit either! Time will tell how I feel about it, but so far, so good.

Are you one of those people who thinks ‘the nice guy/girl finishes last’?  Or who thinks you can’t be nice in business and succeed?

I had an interesting meeting with a very powerful man today whose Rolodex includes past Presidents and other dignitaries. He shared with me how he truly believes that those who succeed (and remain on top) are nice.  Bottom line. Certainly there are other factors in the success equation, but he emphasized nice.

Oftentimes this trait gets a bad rap.  In my sorority rush days, if someone described a candidate as ‘nice’, we cut them.  Our ‘rationale’ was if that was the best adjective to describe her, it really meant she was boring, and there wasn’t anything great to say, so they landed on ‘nice’.

Yet, particularly in business arenas, I’ve wanted to believe that ‘nice’ does work and better yet, is the way to be.  While certainly this one man isn’t the deciding factor on the argument, it was encouraging to hear him say that and to use examples of famous names he knows who all share the commonality of nice.

Be nice and prosper.

There’s something uncanny about a friend’s sixth sense.  In my experience, there exists an ability to intuit when someone about whom you care needs you, no matter how much time or distance passes.

This has happened to me on several recent occasions where I could use a good friend chat, but not so much so that I felt the need to reach out directly.  Low and behold, each time, I got a text or call from a different friend just to say hello and see how I was doing.  And each time, I was so grateful to have a solid, listening ear.

I’ve always said that my friendships work because both parties undertand that no matter how much time passes, we can always snap right back into place, without missing a beat.  Keep listening to that intuition, friends.  Whether expressed or not by the friend on the receiving it, they appreciate it!

If you were figuratively given the keys to your city and all the resources you’d need to help make an impact, what would you do?  What issue would you tackle?  What does your city need?

For all intents and purposes, I’ve been given that opportunity.  I wrote several weeks ago about my selection to participate in the Forum of Global Shapers, a local Atlanta chapter of global hubs within the World Economic Forum, hoping to promote regional and global development through the power of young leaders.

Our chapter begins with 10 members, all under 30. We’re working along with a coordinating board who includes Atlanta political icons, VP of the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, Founder of Operation Hope, and President of the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta (to name a few).

To be given access to these people, to their mentorship, to their contacts and resources is nothing short of incredible. The fact alone that they’ve entrusted we 20-somethings with their time, as well as that they’d put their name on something in which we participate is incredible, as well as precisely how I hope to be able to spend my time later in my career.

So, all that to say, we’ve been given the opportunity to really do something that matters.  We have the man-power, support, and opportunity. Now we need to decide what to do, and do it.  Likely much more of a challenge than it sounds.  So, I earnestly ask: given this opportunity, what would you do?

VD: The overly used term at a dinner of 12 single friends for Valentine’s Day as ‘slang’ for the holiday.  Sitting amongst the couple-less on this couple-centric day, naturally the topic of terrible and/or weird dates came up.  It was comforting to hear how many others (male and female) had been on some rough ones as well as just plain strange.  A couple things that stood out to me (which are appropriate to share) include:

-One friend was asked out at a friend’s party by a guy who was earlier hitting on a married friend, and as should have been the result, found no success.  Feeling generous, she accepted his invitation which later turned into a legitimate invite for dinner at Chik-fil-A.  To make matters worse, she later found out that had she accepted the venue (they went somewhere else), he was going to have her pay for her dinner and offer her a coupon, just in case.  This came up in conversation (naturally), because he awkwardly asked her during dinner why she didn’t want to go there for their first date.  Fast-forward to the end of the evening when she was antsy to leave and offered to split the tab (which is generally part of the polite maneuver we make to offer, knowing they won’t accept), but he did accept.  Ready to get out of there, she said ‘goodbye’, followed by, ‘thanks for the half glass of wine’.

Note:  There is nothing wrong with not wanting to spend a lot on a date. BUT, there are plenty of ways to do it in a nicer environment (think trendy pizza place or something similar).

- One story included being duped into a Valentine’s date which included a driver, roses, ‘love mix’ CD, and all you can eat dinner.  I can’t say more in order to protect the identity of the participants

-Scene: dinner and drinks on date one.  Your date orders several drinks over the course of the evening, so you do as well.  Check arrives, he takes a look….and eyes bug out of his head as he exclaims, ‘What were you drinking?!’ He subsequently continues to overreact and make his date uncomfortable about the cost of her house wine.  End scene.

-Another included a 40 year-old man who recently was baptised.  Each time he goes out with the girl, he invites himself over, and then as things progress, he tells her to stop and that he can’t let things go any further due to ‘his recent (3 years ago) baptism’.  This was all good and well, according to the girl, but she couldn’t understand why he continued to invite her over and continue down this path, always leaving her feeling confused and some times rejected.

Note: We all know the definition of insanity, right? Doing the same thing the same way and expecting different results…

-Last story involved a suitor who couldn’t seem to get it through his head that wooing a girl doesn’t include texting her ‘hey girl’ several times a week with no follow up, call, or date suggestion.  The closest thing to it was a follow up text saying, ‘how about I come over later?’.  Sounds precisely like the recipient’s intentions when she doesn’t even answer to ‘hey girl’.

Time to go back out and do some informal research on great first dates, if only for the sake of balance.

I get pumped when I come across other youngsters (ie Betwixters), who are making moves.  By moves I mean taking action.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when people complain about their circumstances but do nothing to better them.  Therefore, the opposite is also true.  I absolutely love to see when people take what could be a negative scenario, and find ways to improve it.

I was fortunate enough to be introduced a couple years back to a fellow Emory alum who had found some success as an entrepreneur in a few different fields.  Bright-eyed and bushy tailed at the time (still bright and bushy, just with a little more wear these days), I loved hearing about his endeavors.  As often happens, much time passed without any communication.  Until, as the networking world would have it, a contact of his told me he’d recently published a book!  Because a. that’s fantastic, b. it was a complete surprise to me, and c. I’m also publishing a book, I wanted to reach back out to him.

I contacted Dave that night and learned of his book I Can Fix America: 52 Common Sense Ways YOU can make the US Great Again.  In hearing his story of growing up in Flint, Michigan, a once flourishing city, to seeing the ruins it’s in now, sparking his mission to show Americans that we can do very small things to make our country great again (or, if you disagree and think we’re still great: to keep it great).

The book is a quick read, but chock-full of simple, every-day things you can do that don’t require waiting for other people’s actions.  Topics cover everything from housing, money, mindset, education, unemployment, government, and community.  For $17.76 (clever…and marked down about half on Amazon), you should buy this book as a gift or for yourself.

This may sound like a sales pitch, but I have no vested interest in this.  Nothing more than recognizing that I should support someone who is working hard to try to help others, when he could have easily sat on his hands and lived for himself.  I also realize that our Betwixter community is full of young people who have the time and energy to care about our future.  My Magic 8 Ball is telling me that we can’t go on like we are today, assuming that someone will fix the issues we’re facing, as well as those we’re creating. ‘Outlook not so good’.  Get acting.

It wouldn’t feel like the Betwixter if I didn’t shamelessly plug myself now-and-again.  If you’re looking for ways to make the most of your time, check out this post by the International Association of Women Entrepreneur’s Online (female and/or entrepreneurial or not, there are some valuable tid-bits).  I’m number 27.

As I’ve noted before, I guest write for blog who requested I step in as the “young professional” perspective from time-to-time.  In a recent conversation with them, just catching up, I shared an update on a  group to which I’d been admitted.  Not thinking anything of it except to share because the owner of the company would have been interested in the group, she insisted that I share it via the blog, which I did.  Here’s it is for your reading pleasure:

As a young businessperson, it’s encouraging to be reminded that your efforts and your voice matter. As it turns out, over 50% of the world’s population is under age 27, which puts me just barely in the minority at the tender age of 28. Regardless, it’s eye-opening to recognize this statistic and not take for granted being young.

I found out that I’ve been accepted into the inaugural class for Atlanta’s chapter of the Forum of Global Shapers, a local division of many international and domestic chapters of “Young extraordinary individuals with great potential for future leadership roles in society”. Participants are between 20 and 30 years old at the time of nomination. The Atlanta hub is organized by Mayor Kasim Reed, Ambassador Andrew Young, CEO of Operation Hope, John Bryant, President of the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta, Dennis Lockhart, and my friend, Founder of Ascension Aircraft, Jamail Larkins. I go on rattling these names because these influential (and quite busy) individuals see the importance in investing time and energy into myself and my peers, with confidence that our abilities can and will make a meaningful impact on our community. In unison with the dozens of other hubs around the world, change is possible on a larger scale, and this was the hope of the World Economic Forum when setting out to begin this mission.

Having just learned of my acceptance, only time will tell what project our group of 10-12 “shapers” will undertake. It will be an organic process as we meet and pool our resources and interests. And I’ll be talking about it here.

I’m a strong believer that no matter who you are, and no matter at what stage in life you find yourself, it will always behoove you to be surrounded by people who push you to do and be better. That was one of my primary motivators in applying to be a part of this undefined group. I excitedly await getting to know my fellow “shapers” as well as our generous organizers.

For more info check out Global Shapers, or the World Economic Forum.

When I was writing recently about our priorities changing with age, I wasn’t even prepared for the onslaught of domestic goodies I’d amass in 2012.  More so, I had no idea of the utter excitement they would bring me!  For anyone who knew me at any stage of my existence prior to the last couple years, I’d imagine this comes as a complete shock.  After all, I was the girl who was consistently begged to bring cheese and crackers to potlucks because no one wanted to imagine what I’d concoct in the kitchen.

So far this year I’ve accumulated a Dyson vacuum, new knives, a new memory foam mattress with 800 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, a crock pot and slow cooker cook book. Let’s remember it’s only 3 weeks into the year.

Funnier yet is how much I’m loving cooking with the knives, picking recipes to test in the crock pot, vacuuming my home, and can’t wait for the delivery of the bed so I can lounge around in it without guilt for 2 days.  Looks like 2012 is the year of domesticity for me, a sentence I never thought I’d utter a mere few years ago.